so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
