Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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