Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She said her name was "party"
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
