god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize