But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
