lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
