The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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