And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Is it because I queefed?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
