Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I can't turn off my feet"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
