Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
