Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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