just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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