I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
