I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
