Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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