It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
