I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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