Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
