then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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