just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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