A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Randomize
