Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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