I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize