i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
