No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
