ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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