Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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