I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
