Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
