I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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