never play flip cup with pint glasses
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
