I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
