Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
