im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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