i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
