I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
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