I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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