i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
