I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
