Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I want to be your penis for a week.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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