I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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