Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
