He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
