why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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