So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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