Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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