and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It's just like the Real World with babies
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
