dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
