I don't usually arrange sex via text message
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize