I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
