so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
