I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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