I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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