a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
No subtext here. People are naked.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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