I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
