careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
This house was built for laser tag.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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