I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
