I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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