i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
