I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
