I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
