I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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