he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
