One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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