I'd wear matching sweaters with you
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
