First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
