We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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