I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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