omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You have to summon your inner elephant
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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