Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
