Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
