I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
