I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
