Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm at about main and main street
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
