just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
