$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
