You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
