My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
