brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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