Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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