so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
