Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
