Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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