just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
