just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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