Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
