just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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