i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
