i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
