Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
