Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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