Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
