Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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