he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
MIDGETS
????
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
