Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
