woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
