Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
