He uses pillows to masturbate.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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