one might say we're banned from that church
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize