I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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