Sponge bath it is.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
