the condom got lost in my hair
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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