I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
