I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
