JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
