Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
