is your mom at the bar?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
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