hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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