Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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