the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We left the knife in your bed.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
BRING THE BAGELS
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
