I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
