Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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