ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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