I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
