Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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